Transitions, Transformations and a Little Photography
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Surrender
I keep stumbling across the word surrender in various conversations, books and meditations and I really struggle with what this actually means to me. I feel that there is something important and of significance for me to learn which is why I keep digging in.
When I think of surrender - I think of giving in or allowing someone/something to overpower - it definitely feels like a power exchange or that I’m losing something. There is something disturbing about this that makes me feel lesser and uncomfortable. Ironically when I get out of my head and I do let go and “surrender” - especially for things outside of my control then I feel contentment, but it is usually short lived.
The word surrender is defined as yielding to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand - yikes that makes me really uncomfortable! However, when I consider this term from a more spiritual perspective, surrender isn't about giving up; it's defined as being about giving over.
Pieces of me
This one is very personal and nerve wracking as I feel very exposed and vulnerable sharing these thoughts, but it has also been a really valuable writing exercise to work through some of these thoughts.
I have been a fan of making jigsaw puzzles for a long time - growing up I was so fascinated by the way pieces fit together that I would make the same puzzle over and over again. Adding constraints to make it more difficult - like no putting together straight edge border pieces until the centre has been completed, starting with the toughest part first and then when all of those constraints are no longer challenging there is the turn it over and make the puzzle without looking at the picture version. Everything had a place and when you chose the right pieces they fit together so well. I enjoyed figuring out how to make it all come together.
Cabin Fever
We’ve had a really unusual winter this year with it being unseasonably warm and not a lot of snow. I have to be honest and admit that I do like the snow - not so much for driving, but definitely for walking, skiing and photography. However, usually about this time of year I’m getting tired of the snow and the cold - we usually have a long stretch of frigid temperatures where it just hurts to go out in it, so we tend to hibernate a bit during this time as the dreaded cabin fever sets in.
I have to admit that by this time I’m looking forward to wearing fewer layers and getting outside for evening barbecues and gardening well into the late hours of the day. I think that Calgarians (as most people) are fond of complaining about the weather that we are currently experiencing rather than enjoying the fact that we do get four seasons (sometimes all in one day!).
Wordplay
I have always loved language and words - one of my earliest memories was sitting on my dad’s knee at the breakfast table picking out words in the newspaper as my mum cooked breakfast. She was always playing words games with us when we went for walks - memory games where we’d have to remember long chains of words or come up with definitions. This fed my innate love of words.
Confession time - my love of words, reading and learning new things led me to read the Encyclopedia - does anyone remember those huge volumes of information? They were the first place we went to when researching term papers for school. I used to particularly enjoy learning the meanings of new words or rather where they came from. It is still something that tickles my grey matter.
Comparison vs Inspiration
The idea for this post came from a conversation I had with a friend who often says I am an inspiration to her. She sees me getting into so many things and diving deep to the point of obsession (my words) and she often makes comments about being unsure of whether to be inspired and encouraged to try something new or feel like she needs a kick in the backside to do better.
I can certainly relate to this feeling having grown up with a superwoman mother - I think I’ve mentioned that she went to university after having four children and went on to get a Bachelor’s of Education degree and a Master’s in Education at night school while working full time as a teacher
Reflections and gratitude
It has been a long standing practice of mine to spend a bit of time at the end of every year reflecting back on everything that has come to pass and the things that haven’t been realized. I wouldn’t say that I set resolutions or goals for the upcoming year, but I do spend time thinking about what I’d like to do more or less of as well where I see myself by the end of the year. I like having ideas of where and what I want to achieve as this helps to provide a guide post for my year.
I find that by setting these intentions it is surprising how many are realized by the end of the year when I do my reflection. It is like these ideas guide my subconscious and help me stay on track.
Recent trip to Saskatchewan
There are two things that happened serendipitously within the month of December and I am so grateful for having these experiences. My mother in law and I did a road trip together as I traveled to pick her up with the idea that I’d also get an opportunity to photograph snowy owls as I’ve done in the past (snowy owl blog post and gallery).
I also had an opportunity to meet David DuChemin during his recent talk in Calgary. He is a dynamic speaker and really hit home with some good photographic truths accompanied by some amazing images (new book - Light, Space & Time) and he summarizes some key points in his recent newsletter.
Stresslaxing
As humans we’re an interesting bunch - ok we can be down right bizarre! I came across this term stresslaxing and I was curious enough to find out what it was all about, so I spent some time diving down the rabbit hole of researching into it - this is one of the many things that I love about retirement - having the time and space to explore and research and just learn new things. My research brought me to this new phenomenon which has emerged where the actual act of relaxation itself induces stress. This rather paradoxical experience is known as stresslaxing and it’s a term that tries to capture the anxiety sparked in some people, who when they are stressed, attempt to relax, but find themselves incapable of doing so.
Coaching
I come from a long line of very proud, reserved, stiff upper lip never show your emotions or weakness people. I was taught that the way to work through things is to ignore, power through or just pretend it never happened. I don’t suspect that I am alone in being taught these coping skills - it seems to me that it was a prevalent approach during the time that I grew up, however I also recognize that cultural attitudes and approaches have been changing throughout my life - in a very positive way - thank goodness!
Being vulnerable is no longer seen as being weak - seeking help and support is a sure sign of strength and a desire to grow - talking about things is the best way to knock shame on the head
Everybody’s got a story
This song has always resonated with me because I feel that we (let’sy be honest - I) often make assumptions of people based upon first impressions.
I make judgements based upon the way people look or act or talk - I know it’s cliche, however the saying don’t judge a book by its cover still rings true today.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a strong introvertand people often interpret my demeanour as standoffish or cool, but it’s actually shyness mixed in with a preference of getting to know people slowly before diving in and interacting.
Being outside my routine
I have written quite a bit about the changes that I’ve made around healthier eating, strength training and wellness in an attempt to lead a more mindful life and improve my wellbeing. It has taken me a few years to identify the habits that I wanted to introduce and those that I wanted to part ways with - Atomic Habits (James Clear) is an excellent resource and I wrote about it here.
It took a lot of consistency and small changes to build up the good habits that I wanted to introduce, such as strength training, yoga, meditation and photography walks to name a few. Then last April everything changed when we bought a new home.
The shifts in what is important
This recent move to the “country” (see this blog post) really highlighted for me that I have made some significant shifts in what is important (as has Kory). We identified the values that are important to us when we started seriously searching for a new home. Nature, a less busy location, space and places to walk were the things that we identified as being important.
Our previous home was located within walking distance of downtown Calgary in a lovely neighbourhood that was close to coffee shops and grocery stores. There was a vibe of busy urban
Maintaining Balance
I recall that during my working life I was constantly searching for balance - I felt the pull from work and an even bigger pull from home to have my attention. I will admit that there were a lot of times when I didn’t get the balance right and I feel that my home life suffered as a result. In addition I think that my mental and physical wellbeing suffered - not just from the actual stress of the situation, but also the additional stress of feeling guilt and regret for not being present for my family.
All or nothing mentality
I think of peoples’ personalities or traits as being part of a spectrum and it is a fluid spectrum (i.e., I don’t think people act in one manner exclusively as we often identify ourselves), however I do believe that we have preferred approaches or manners. Back in this blog post (
irritability, cabin fever and a breakthrough
) I wrote about viewing the way we react to things like we’re floating down a river between the banks of rigidity and chaos. Going to either extreme puts us in an undesirable state where we’re either digging in our heels over every little thing or feeling totally overwhelmed.
Taking time to breathe and enjoy life
I cannot believe what a whirlwind the last 6 months have been - from travelling to Iceland for a photographic tour, buying and selling a house, packing up and moving to the country and then setting up a new house.
Add on two more trips - a photographic retreat in July and a kayaking trip in August and it equals overload!
Everything was planned a year in advance with the exception of the house move - what a crazy ride it’s been!
Wildlife and birds in Iceland
It has taken me a while to finally get through all of my Iceland images, but I didn’t want to rush through them and there have been a few distractions since then (moving blog). It’s hard to believe that I went to Iceland back in April and that almost 3 months have passed since I returned.
I have been posting blogs about different aspects of my trip (Iceland macros, Iceland trip review, Iceland abstractions) and I have finally decided to write about the wildlife and birds that I saw and photographed. This is my passion and I couldn’t resist spending time capturing the rich diversity of wildlife that I don’t usually see in Canada.
Time on the water.
I grew up in Windsor, Ontario which is close to the Great Lakes and filled with water bodies. I spent time in my youth canoeing (back country camping trips to Algonquin Park) and sailing (lasers up to 35’ sailboats on the lakes). It was a source of joy and peacefulness for me. I recall the sound of the wooden paddle dipping into the water repeatedly - there is nothing quite as calming as gliding through a mirror like lake in the early morning mist - that slight crisp chill in the air and muscles that are stretching and warming up under the exertion. I have a very visceral reaction to spending time on the water.
Kayaking Trip Prep
Over a year ago we planned and booked a kayaking trip based out of Prince Rupert, British Columbia (OceanLight Adventures) and it’s coming up quickly.
It feels a bit chaotic to be going away again with all of the house renos going on, but sometimes you have to go with the flow and just know that it will all work out fine - at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
The trip is based from a boat where we sleep and eat, but there are kayaks and a zodiac for daytime excursions and amazing photography opportunities with wildlife, birds and marine life abounds.
Consistency and habit forming.
I’ve talked a bit in earlier posts about how the brain loves predictability and in fact our brain rewards us with dopamine hits when we can correctly predict things. However predictability is not always the best thing for us as it can stifle creativity and growth. A bit of surprise occasionally can do wonders for sparking different centres in our brains. There is a lot to be said for balance - a good routine and consistency with some unpredictability thrown in to shake things up and keep us on our toes.
Contemplations
I have recently finished listening to an audible book called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby who experienced a life changing stroke and ended up with a condition called “locked in syndrome”. This means that he remained mentally astute, but had no verbal capabilities or movement save being able to blink his left eyelid and minor head movement. The book was dictated by Bauby over a two month period by blinking his left eye and using a special alphabet template to enable him to communicate.