Transitions, Transformations and a Little Photography
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Surrender
I keep stumbling across the word surrender in various conversations, books and meditations and I really struggle with what this actually means to me. I feel that there is something important and of significance for me to learn which is why I keep digging in.
When I think of surrender - I think of giving in or allowing someone/something to overpower - it definitely feels like a power exchange or that I’m losing something. There is something disturbing about this that makes me feel lesser and uncomfortable. Ironically when I get out of my head and I do let go and “surrender” - especially for things outside of my control then I feel contentment, but it is usually short lived.
The word surrender is defined as yielding to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand - yikes that makes me really uncomfortable! However, when I consider this term from a more spiritual perspective, surrender isn't about giving up; it's defined as being about giving over.
Changes I’ve Seen Since Starting to Track Macros
I started tracking macros almost a year ago and while I began doing this to try and get a better understanding of how I was eating and distributing calories (Protein, Carbs and Fats), it quickly morphed into something a lot more impactful (blog post on Macros). I started progressive overload strength training early in the New Year which really paired well with the changes I made to my eating habits (i.e., increasing protein intake) and by July I had seen a 3% increase in muscle mass which is a significant increase especially at my age. (strength training blog post).
Now that it’s been almost 12 months since I started, I thought that it might be interesting and useful for me to reflect back on this past
Pieces of me
This one is very personal and nerve wracking as I feel very exposed and vulnerable sharing these thoughts, but it has also been a really valuable writing exercise to work through some of these thoughts.
I have been a fan of making jigsaw puzzles for a long time - growing up I was so fascinated by the way pieces fit together that I would make the same puzzle over and over again. Adding constraints to make it more difficult - like no putting together straight edge border pieces until the centre has been completed, starting with the toughest part first and then when all of those constraints are no longer challenging there is the turn it over and make the puzzle without looking at the picture version. Everything had a place and when you chose the right pieces they fit together so well. I enjoyed figuring out how to make it all come together.
Brain Rot
I started this blog post near the end of last year, but it got put aside as other topics piqued my interest more at the time. However, after a very stimulating conversation I found myself opening up this draft and finding it tickling my brain - a sure sign that I need to spend some time with this and mature it more.
It appears that each year the major dictionary sources identify the word of the year and in 2024 Oxford dictionary chose “brain rot”.
This is especially noted as being in relation to the low quality of online content that we consume every day. I can see this - I mean when one thinks about the amount of information that is made readily available to us on a daily basis from so many sources - wow! I spend time purposely limiting the amount and source of the content that I consume and it’s not always easy.
Cabin Fever
We’ve had a really unusual winter this year with it being unseasonably warm and not a lot of snow. I have to be honest and admit that I do like the snow - not so much for driving, but definitely for walking, skiing and photography. However, usually about this time of year I’m getting tired of the snow and the cold - we usually have a long stretch of frigid temperatures where it just hurts to go out in it, so we tend to hibernate a bit during this time as the dreaded cabin fever sets in.
I have to admit that by this time I’m looking forward to wearing fewer layers and getting outside for evening barbecues and gardening well into the late hours of the day. I think that Calgarians (as most people) are fond of complaining about the weather that we are currently experiencing rather than enjoying the fact that we do get four seasons (sometimes all in one day!).
Comparison vs Inspiration
The idea for this post came from a conversation I had with a friend who often says I am an inspiration to her. She sees me getting into so many things and diving deep to the point of obsession (my words) and she often makes comments about being unsure of whether to be inspired and encouraged to try something new or feel like she needs a kick in the backside to do better.
I can certainly relate to this feeling having grown up with a superwoman mother - I think I’ve mentioned that she went to university after having four children and went on to get a Bachelor’s of Education degree and a Master’s in Education at night school while working full time as a teacher
Reflections and gratitude
It has been a long standing practice of mine to spend a bit of time at the end of every year reflecting back on everything that has come to pass and the things that haven’t been realized. I wouldn’t say that I set resolutions or goals for the upcoming year, but I do spend time thinking about what I’d like to do more or less of as well where I see myself by the end of the year. I like having ideas of where and what I want to achieve as this helps to provide a guide post for my year.
I find that by setting these intentions it is surprising how many are realized by the end of the year when I do my reflection. It is like these ideas guide my subconscious and help me stay on track.
Stresslaxing
As humans we’re an interesting bunch - ok we can be down right bizarre! I came across this term stresslaxing and I was curious enough to find out what it was all about, so I spent some time diving down the rabbit hole of researching into it - this is one of the many things that I love about retirement - having the time and space to explore and research and just learn new things. My research brought me to this new phenomenon which has emerged where the actual act of relaxation itself induces stress. This rather paradoxical experience is known as stresslaxing and it’s a term that tries to capture the anxiety sparked in some people, who when they are stressed, attempt to relax, but find themselves incapable of doing so.
Coaching
I come from a long line of very proud, reserved, stiff upper lip never show your emotions or weakness people. I was taught that the way to work through things is to ignore, power through or just pretend it never happened. I don’t suspect that I am alone in being taught these coping skills - it seems to me that it was a prevalent approach during the time that I grew up, however I also recognize that cultural attitudes and approaches have been changing throughout my life - in a very positive way - thank goodness!
Being vulnerable is no longer seen as being weak - seeking help and support is a sure sign of strength and a desire to grow - talking about things is the best way to knock shame on the head
Seasonal Transitions
This transitional time is my favourite time of the year - while I love to watch the world wake up from the frosty cold of winter, I often find that changes happen too quickly in the springtime - the temperatures and precipitation can yo-yo and leave me feeling caught up in a whirlwind of changes. The summer has its warmth and lazy hazy days, however I find it almost too vibrant - too green. When the days start to shorten and the leftover heat of the day cools down, the air takes on a bit of crispness and the leaves on the trees start to take on their autumnal colours - this is my time of year - this is when I feel grateful to be able to spend time outside and soak up the lingering warmth of the season.
Being outside my routine
I have written quite a bit about the changes that I’ve made around healthier eating, strength training and wellness in an attempt to lead a more mindful life and improve my wellbeing. It has taken me a few years to identify the habits that I wanted to introduce and those that I wanted to part ways with - Atomic Habits (James Clear) is an excellent resource and I wrote about it here.
It took a lot of consistency and small changes to build up the good habits that I wanted to introduce, such as strength training, yoga, meditation and photography walks to name a few. Then last April everything changed when we bought a new home.
The shifts in what is important
This recent move to the “country” (see this blog post) really highlighted for me that I have made some significant shifts in what is important (as has Kory). We identified the values that are important to us when we started seriously searching for a new home. Nature, a less busy location, space and places to walk were the things that we identified as being important.
Our previous home was located within walking distance of downtown Calgary in a lovely neighbourhood that was close to coffee shops and grocery stores. There was a vibe of busy urban
Evenings with my backyard visitors
I know that I’ve mentioned it before, however this move to the “country” has had a significant impact on the way that I’m spending my time. I hadn’t envisioned that I would be spending quite as much time as I do outside - I mean I thought I was outdoorsy before, but now a huge portion of my day is spent outside - and I keep looking for more reasons to head on out the door.
Wandering around with my weed digger doing my weekly rounds is a great way to survey the yard and see what has changed since my last check in.
Maintaining Balance
I recall that during my working life I was constantly searching for balance - I felt the pull from work and an even bigger pull from home to have my attention. I will admit that there were a lot of times when I didn’t get the balance right and I feel that my home life suffered as a result. In addition I think that my mental and physical wellbeing suffered - not just from the actual stress of the situation, but also the additional stress of feeling guilt and regret for not being present for my family.
All or nothing mentality
I think of peoples’ personalities or traits as being part of a spectrum and it is a fluid spectrum (i.e., I don’t think people act in one manner exclusively as we often identify ourselves), however I do believe that we have preferred approaches or manners. Back in this blog post (
irritability, cabin fever and a breakthrough
) I wrote about viewing the way we react to things like we’re floating down a river between the banks of rigidity and chaos. Going to either extreme puts us in an undesirable state where we’re either digging in our heels over every little thing or feeling totally overwhelmed.
Ninja Creami
It is perhaps an understatement to say that this has been a very full year. I had not imagined 12 months ago that I’d be living in a new home, coming to the end of the first wave of big house projects and have 3 major photography trips under my belt. Add to that a complete re-evaluation of my eating habits and the initiation of a progressive overload strength training program. Whew! No wonder I’m tired!
One of the biggest learnings that I’ve had from starting the Macros 101 program (which I wrote about in this blog post)
Time on the water.
I grew up in Windsor, Ontario which is close to the Great Lakes and filled with water bodies. I spent time in my youth canoeing (back country camping trips to Algonquin Park) and sailing (lasers up to 35’ sailboats on the lakes). It was a source of joy and peacefulness for me. I recall the sound of the wooden paddle dipping into the water repeatedly - there is nothing quite as calming as gliding through a mirror like lake in the early morning mist - that slight crisp chill in the air and muscles that are stretching and warming up under the exertion. I have a very visceral reaction to spending time on the water.
Progress Update on Goals for this Year
I don’t like setting New Year’s resolutions as I think that they have not been very effective for me. In contrast I like to make short and long term goals for habits that I want establish. I make sure that I focus on things that I want to sustain rather than passing trends that I may not continue.
About eight months ago I made a decision to take more intentional action with respect to my health and also to work on changing my body shape or more accurately body composition. Since the beginning of menopause I have been struggling to lose weight that seemed to accumulate overnight.
Consistency and habit forming.
I’ve talked a bit in earlier posts about how the brain loves predictability and in fact our brain rewards us with dopamine hits when we can correctly predict things. However predictability is not always the best thing for us as it can stifle creativity and growth. A bit of surprise occasionally can do wonders for sparking different centres in our brains. There is a lot to be said for balance - a good routine and consistency with some unpredictability thrown in to shake things up and keep us on our toes.
Contemplations
I have recently finished listening to an audible book called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby who experienced a life changing stroke and ended up with a condition called “locked in syndrome”. This means that he remained mentally astute, but had no verbal capabilities or movement save being able to blink his left eyelid and minor head movement. The book was dictated by Bauby over a two month period by blinking his left eye and using a special alphabet template to enable him to communicate.