Comparison vs Inspiration
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How do I compare?
The idea for this post came from a conversation I had with a friend who often says I am an inspiration to her. She sees me getting into so many things and diving deep to the point of obsession (my words) and she often makes comments about being unsure of whether to be inspired and encouraged to try something new or feel like she needs a kick in the backside to do better.
I can certainly relate to this feeling having grown up with a superwoman mother - I think I’ve mentioned that she went to university after having four children and went on to get a Bachelor’s of Education degree and a Master’s in Education at night school while working full time as a teacher of emotionally disturbed children. In her “downtime” she ran marathons and always had knitting, crochet or embroidery on the go. I often felt like a slug in comparison - in fact just reading that back feels exhausting. You can read more about her here.
Backlit grasses in Iceland - what is more inspiring than nature in its simplicity. (EXIF data f4.5, 1/80s, 200 mm, ISO100)
I would like to point out that I do not write these blog posts to make myself feel superior or heaven forbid make anyone feel lesser. I often despair that I’m muddling through these posts trying to figure things out or that I’m a bit all over the place and not able to settle on something for an extended period of time. If these posts resonate for anyone or if someone feels the desire to send me a note with their perspective - I’m all in! Sharing and learning while lifting each other up and building connection and community is the way I like to live my life. In fact I love to be inspired and awed by what people are up to - trust me I don’t have all the answers and I don’t even have all the questions!
For me inspiration comes from seeing someone achieving something they didn’t imagine they could do and they have worked hard for, been creative, found success, or just did well - when I’m in a good place these are all sources of inspiration and joy.
Is comparison motivational?
I have often heard the saying:
Comparison is the thief of joy. (Theodore Roosevelt)
Boy does that resonate for me! I can be happily doing my own thing - catch sight of someone else’s accomplishments and suddenly my good feelings evaporate as I start the comparison game. Not only do I feel my good feelings disappear, but now I’m not even doing my own thing anymore - the joy has vanished for me!
Grainy but delicate rainbow in the morning mist cannot be compared to a sharp rainbow after a rainstorm. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/1250s, 400mm, ISO450)
Why do I do this? What does it matter what someone else is doing compared to me? Most likely I’m not even comparing apples to apples. For example, new photographers are notorious for looking at professional or very experienced photographers’ work and feeling deflated and like they will never be able to be as good as X photographer. It makes no sense because X Photographer has been doing this for so much longer and very likely took similar images early in their photography journey. And yet I continue to compare.
Comparison is all about not enough - not talented enough, not experienced enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough….. you name it - as humans we will compare it.
I have come to the conclusion that comparison is actually demotivating rather than motivating because it highlights the Gap (see this blog post for more on the Gap versus the Gain) and is focused on negative feedback - I’m lesser because I’m not doing as much or as well as someone else. I feel compelled to break this non productive cycle and get off the hamster wheel of comparison.
I could compare this image of a delicate rainbow in the morning mist which is a bit dark and grainy due to the low light conditions and find it lacking when viewed next to a sharp image of a rainbow after a midday rainstorm when the sun is shining through. I really like this image and making that comparison makes no sense and diminishes the joy I feel when I view this photo and recall the damp morning in the safari vehicle as we laughed over our morning “commute”.
Good places and not so good places
I’m just muddling my way through most of the things that I write about and I happen to have time right now to explore and get curious. I also have this quirk to my personality/behaviour that I can become obsessed with things to the point of blocking everything else out. If I’m not aware and careful, I can actually get myself worked up into a frenzied mess of overload before I recognize that I need to slow down. Sometimes when it looks like I’m superwoman on the outside - I’m like that duck furiously paddling under the calm surface of the water and I’m likely on the edge of the abyss which is not a good place for me to be.
As I mentioned above - when I’m in a good place I can appreciate and celebrate others’ achievements without worrying about where I am at in comparison.
The lure of the hazy cold depths of the not so good places. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/1250s, 400mm, ISO450)
When I’m in a not so good place I find that comparison creeps in and I go to dark places. I will pick apart the other person’s accomplishments or at the very least minimize them by thinking that I could do so much better - it’s not pretty, fun or productive. I would much prefer to be in the cheerleader camp and appreciate others’ success without comparing myself to them. It doesn’t cost me anything in terms of my success and it brings me a lot of joy. Joy is actually not limited in quantity and being joyful and happy for others’ successes just seems to make it multiply and spreads it around more.
Ways to focus on inspiration and not comparison.
I have found that for me being able to have confidence in where I’m at helps me to not focus on comparison. Accepting where I’m at in my journey - whether it’s a beginner and needing to have grace with my inexperience and mistakes, or a seasoned practitioner with new avenues to explore - being able to enjoy my current situation and not get my head stuck in the future or the past really helps me to have that confidence. When I’m in this good headspace I don’t feel lesser or worried about whether I am good enough, so comparison is a non starter.
Being able to put comparison aside gives me the space I need to really enjoy and celebrate my successes as well as what others are doing - lifting them up has the benefit of lifting me up as well.
Do you find yourself stuck in comparing your progress with others or have you found effective ways to stay focused on your own lane? I’d love to hear about your experiences and how you manage to deal with the comparison trap either in the comments below or drop me a note by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
A backlit red breasted nuthatch enjoying the fruits of his hunting labours while the magpies and blue jays battle it out for the biggest seeds on the next feeder. (EXIF data f4.0, 1/2500s, EV-0.67, 400mm, ISO2000)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
