Coaching

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A lightbulb moment.

I come from a long line of very proud, reserved, stiff upper lip never show your emotions or weakness people. I was taught that the way to work through things is to ignore, power through or just pretend it never happened. I don’t suspect that I am alone in being taught these coping skills - it seems to me that it was a prevalent approach during the time that I grew up, however I also recognize that cultural attitudes and approaches have been changing throughout my life - in a very positive way - thank goodness!

Being vulnerable is no longer seen as being weak - seeking help and support is a sure sign of strength and a desire to grow - talking about things is the best way to knock shame on the head.

Understanding and combating shame - Key Learning: Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists - we’re so easy to keep quiet. If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the Gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it. (Brene Brown - Rising Strong)

Lightbulb moments come at the most unexpected moments.

I suddenly had a lightbulb moment that through my writing I’ve alluded to the fact that I’ve received coaching over the years for various transitions and challenges in my life and that speaking a bit more about the coaching I’ve had might be beneficial to others - being open tends to normalize things that have not always been acceptable or accepted.

As I mentioned above - the thought of seeking help through coaching was not my normal go to approach - I previously thought that it showed weakness or a lack of ability to tackle a challenge or change.

I am so thankful that I no longer feel this way - coaching has provided me with some valuable insights and direction that has led to better outcomes for me.

Why use a coach?

Good support is critical - especially when you feel like you’re hanging on by your fingernails.

I have come to the realization that having someone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of is a good thing - it helps to give me different perspectives and it also helps me to evolve my ideas into more concrete actions - all of these things are good in my books. Amazingly, I often think that I have exhausted the idea pool on any given thought only to be brought up short by how much it expands when working with a coach.

Now I could (and I do) do this with friends or my husband, however sometimes it is good to have someone with no vested ties to or bias about the outcome. Someone who is not hesitant to express different ideas and in fact their role is to get you to explore things from different angles and perhaps even teach you a few new things.

I’ve actually used coaching for some key growth/transition processes in my life such as my fitness journey, healthier eating, macros counting, retirement transition, strengthening my mind/body connection and also starting this website/blog.

A coach should be willing to challenge you to look at things from different perspectives and they should know you well enough to be able to push you out of your comfort zone so that growth can occur.

One of my best coaches (Tracy) has helped me to recognize how important photography is to me and how it can help me to work through challenging times. This understanding of me and how I process things was really critical for identifying a key resource (photography) for me to work through things effectively. Prior to that my photography was very documentary and didn’t reach the levels of meaningfulness that it does today.

How to choose a coach

When looking for a coach it is important to consider what your goals are (i.e., what you want coaching around) and find someone who specializes in that area of expertise. Obviously you want to be concerned about their experience and qualifications - references and referrals can be helpful, but I don’t rely solely upon them.

To me important factors include their coaching style and whether it is aligned with my personality and goals - if we’re not compatible I’m not going to be open or very satisfied with the results regardless of how highly trained or experienced someone is as a coach.

I think that confidentiality and the ability to create a safe place for exchanging thoughts and ideas is critical and I want to know that the person coaching me genuinely cares about me and wants to work with me through whatever area it is that I am looking for support.

Finding a good coach can seem a bit like finding an epic view through the mist (Vestrahorn shrouded in fog), but it’s worth the effort.

A good coach should be willing to invest time up front with you to make sure that you are a good match for coaching and this often includes a complimentary introductory session where you can discuss what you’d like to explore and get out of the coaching. At this point they should be able to tell you if they are able to take you on as a client. Don’t be hesitant or afraid to set expectations and be clear about what you’re looking for as this will help you both identify if this is a good fit for you.

A good coach will not just agree with you, but rather pose questions designed to challenge your perspective and help you to look at an issue from a number of different angles. They should help to move you outside of your comfort zone without you feeling unsupported or unsafe.

How to know when you’re done - how long to use a coach.

How long does a coaching relationship last? How do you know when you’re done?

These questions illustrate why it is really important to have a clear idea of what you want to accomplish or work through during coaching sessions. Having that clarity and agreement upfront will help to identify natural pause points where you can both reassess where you are at and whether the coaching needs to shift its focus, continue on course or wrap up.

There is no set timeline for coaching, however if you are actively participating and doing the follow up/homework then you should be feeling different and seeing progress over a relatively short period of time.

Some good ways of knowing when it’s time to wrap things up is when you’re no longer feeling like there are outstanding issues to address, or you have reached a natural conclusion to your goal or resolution to your challenge/issue.

Starburst flower fireworks.

Ironically, sometimes what we start out seeking coaching around isn’t what we really need coaching for and the focus of the discussions/work has to shift in order to find a path to resolution or growth. It’s important to be able to have open conversations about this and make adjustments in focus and outcome goals as required.

Having open conversations is really important to ensure that the coaching relationship is still serving your needs and that it hasn’t grown stale or ineffective. There is a fine balance between giving enough time to dig in and work through an issue or achieve a goal and trying to work to some timeline.

At the natural end of a coaching relationship it’s a good idea to conduct a debrief session so that both parties can provide feedback and identify next steps or how to maintain progress going forward. It’s a good idea to really talk through what the coaching has achieved and how effective it has been to address the original goal or issue.

What can the outcome of coaching be?

Some possible outcomes from coaching can be clarity around next steps beyond your goal - a clear plan or process to follow can be a great outcome from coaching. Having learned tools and resources available for future challenges is an additional successful outcome.

Personal breakthroughs leading to growth and new approaches to situations can also be an identified successful outcome. Collaborations, connections or new ideas (breaking through blocks) are some additional wins from coaching.

High key self portrait from Gifts of Imperfection coaching work.

I’ve done a lot of personal growth coaching with Tracy using Brené Brown’s books and exercises and it is from this work that I recognized what photography does for me from a mindfulness perspective. It was through this work that I really started to focus on photography walks and being present as I worked on expressing my thoughts and feelings through my camera.

Another example of coaching I’ve done is when I worked with Gerry van der Walt to develop my website and get clarity around my purpose for blogging. From this relationship I’ve learned all sorts of great workflow tools and ways to automate functions on my website. With respect to the blog he got me focused on identifying themes that I typically write about and really digging deep to communicate authentically.

Our coaching sessions have become very inspirational and less about “how to” and more about sharing ideas and perspectives. One of our conversations actually inspired him to write about our discussion in his blog - The Art of Curiosity - Embracing the Journey in Photography and Life (note: he did ask my permission and let me read the blog post prior to posting it). I like the way Gerry has captured the essence of our conversations and in the end our coaching session has produced a collaboration between us which is very unexpected and inspiring. I’m interested to see where this coaching collaboration takes us.

Next steps in my coaching journeys.

I have found such positive experiences working with coaches that I see this as an effective approach when I have goals I want to reach or challenges I am trying to work through. For me effective coaching results in me having new tools that I can use in the long term - sustainable use of those tools to support my personal growth is always my goal.

Have you ever worked with a coach (personal trainer, life coach, personal development coach etc.)? Was it a positive experience and what were your key learnings/takeaways? I’d love to hear about your experiences either in the comments below or reach out to me through the Connect With Me button.

Finding good light and good long term resources for growth helps me move forward in reaching my goals.

I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.

Pamela McIntyre

A recently retired engineer, now aspiring nature and wildlife photographer, I use my craft to promote mindfulness and wellbeing. I write about my transition from working at an executive level position to retirement and how photography has enabled me to find my creativity and reconnect with nature.

 If you’ve enjoyed this post or something I’ve shared resonates with you, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or through a direct message (please use the “Connect With Me” button) and be sure to subscribe so that you don’t miss any posts or news.

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