Surrender
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I really struggle with this concept.
A field of bullrushes waving their white fluff as though waving flags of surrender. (EXIF data f4.0, 1/1600s, 82mm, ISO900)
I keep stumbling across the word surrender in various conversations, books and meditations and I really struggle with what this actually means to me. I feel that there is something important and of significance for me to learn which is why I keep digging in.
When I think of surrender - I think of giving in or allowing someone/something to overpower - it definitely feels like a power exchange or that I’m losing something. There is something disturbing about this that makes me feel lesser and uncomfortable. Ironically when I get out of my head and I do let go and “surrender” - especially for things outside of my control then I feel contentment, but it is usually short lived.
The word surrender is defined as yielding to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand - yikes that makes me really uncomfortable! However, when I consider this term from a more spiritual perspective, surrender isn't about giving up; it's defined as being about giving over. It amazes me the profound difference two words make Giving Over versus Giving Up.
Mindset Shift?
When I consider the spiritual version of surrender I realize that my negative association with the term is about ego - I want control - I want to have the power in all things that affect me. However this is unrealistic (I seriously don’t have control of very much in my life) and I’m setting myself up for failure from the get go when I make the assumption that I do have control of all things.
Frost covered shrubs in a jumble of chaotic mess like me diving down rabbit holes of irrelevant details. (EXIF data f10, 1/400s, 105mm, ISO800)
I think that it takes courage to let go and surrender - whether that is thoughts, actions or even direction. Stay with me for a moment while I work through this……when Kory and I are discussing things, I often find myself diving down rabbit holes of details - correcting information that I feel is factually incorrect whether it is relevant to the gist of the conversation or not and I hang on to my position - I won’t surrender even to the point of the conversation going totally off track.
This need to be right - to me is another manifestation of failing to surrender and it is definitely about ego. Who cares if we bought an item during a trip to London or Aberdeen? Focusing on this detail really undermines the potential for connection around a great memory - however ego steps in and insists that it is important - and once I’m down that path it is hard to let go - the ego is strong in this woman.
Failure to let go of details is like not being able to see the forest for the trees. (EXIF data f4.0, 1/320s, 120mm, ISO220)
As I said it takes courage to surrender - confidence that letting go will lead to a better outcome like stronger connection or de-escalation of a heated situation. The old saying “turn the other cheek” is a prime example of letting go and not reacting to a slight - not letting the ego run unchecked.
When I think of the things that I can actually control - the primary one is how I respond or react - taking the time to pause and let go or turn the other cheek - that is powerful - that is courage that can lead to a completely different direction with a much more positive outcome.
Why is it so difficult?
I often ask myself why it is so difficult for me to let go, but I seem to insist on kicking and digging in my heels - flailing about expending so much energy to hang on to my position or stance. It occurs to me that the tighter you hold onto something and try to control it, the more it seems to run through your fingers - a bit like trying to hold fast to sand in a tight fist.
I really like this quote from Marianne Williamson:
Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. The world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world. Surrender means the decision to stop fighting the world, and to start loving it instead. It is a gentle liberation from pain. But liberation isn’t about breaking out of anything; ‘it’s a gentle melting into who we really are.’ We let down our armor. (Marianne Williamson - Return to Love)
I can really feel myself melt inside and the positive energy just flow through me when I let go and allow the armour to drop away.
I love how this melting ice looks like a fire breathing dragon who is no longer breathing fire - melting into and morphing into something softer. (EXIF data f5, 1/1000s, ISO640, 220mm, +0.3EV)
Have I experienced surrender?
A thin layer of ice starting to melt in the warm morning sunlight. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/1000s, ISO4000, 400mm)
When I reflect on this I believe that I have been able to achieve surrender during meditations - for me this is a time to unplug my ego - let go of expectations which is about living in the future - let go of rumination which is living in the past and just be centred in the present for a while. I find that my mind seems to want to go the future or the past - doing so creates states of worry about what will happen or rehashing what has been - it’s like I want to stay stuck in these places and keep the loops going. When I am intentional about letting go of both of those states then I can feel my breathing slow down and deepen, my muscles relax and I enter this much quieter mind space.
Where will surrender take me….
When I am able to let go there is clarity of thought and a feeling of lightness and good will feelings. It is said to surrender is to love and love will change the world. Perhaps this is something I need to practice some more as we could use more love in this world right now.
How do you feel about the term surrender - does it feel prickly to you as it does to me? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or reach out to me directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
The ultimate surrender - Polar Plunge at -30C temperatures. (EXIF data f4, 1/640s, 73mm, ISO125, +1.3EV)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
