Curiosity
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A life lesson.
A recent visit from Kory’s mum, Anne was a great opportunity for us to connect in person and also to share new experiences as well as favourite traditions. I have to admit that growing up I never heard of the Bonanza - A Ponderosa Christmas Special (trust me this is old with Lorne Greene and Michael Langdon - search YouTube if you’re curious to know more), but it was a tradition in Kory’s family and so we listen to it each year which is fun.
Getting curious and exploring ICM (intentional camera movement) techniques. (EXIF data f20, 1/5s, 120mm, ISO64, +0.67EV)
This year we introduced Anne to a new tradition - Ted Lasso. I may have mentioned that I have a bit of an obsession with this series - I really appreciate the subtle leadership nuances and team building as well as gratitude and just feel good moments (ok and Roy Kent’s fruity language). I think that Anne is hooked now too as we watched several episodes most evenings.
One of my favourite episodes is about Ted challenging Rebecca’s ex husband (Rupert) to a darts match. Rupert assumes that a “country bumpkin” American would be easy pickings in this match, but Ted surprises him by being a crackerjack player. The best dialogue is Ted explaining a quote:
Be Curious - Not Judgemental. (Walt Whitman)
He speaks to being curious and asking questions such as, Ted - have you ever played darts? To which he would have answered - why yes I have - every Sunday from age 10-16 with my father.
Definitely something to take on board and be more open to asking questions instead of making assumptions.
Questions anyone?
I have also mentioned that I grew up in a very traditionally British family and it was sometimes a bit of a confusing household for a young child - where questioning things just wasn’t done, so in my young mind I made a lot of assumptions about the dangers and consequences of asking too many questions. Things such as questions will expose weaknesses and areas of ignorance that get you teased, or that questioning may make others uncomfortable - something to be avoided at all costs.
Abstract images really help us to get curious trying to figure it out. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/1250s, 800mm, ISO400, -1EV)
It’s so interesting how our young minds will interpret information or lack of information. Our brains like to make sense of what is not complete and we will fill in the gaps even if it is not correct information. I spoke about this in this blog post.
Asking questions and being curious has been found to be a key ingredient for creativity and exploration - just watch a curious child and see how they explore a concept or topic they’re unfamiliar with.
They tend to start general and then hone in to what doesn’t make sense and many will keep at that point until they have worked it into making sense or they’ve exhausted their information seeking - possibly both.
Is there a downside to being curious?
There have been and still are instances where those who have dared to ask questions are seen as challenging authority and as a result they have been isolated or abandoned as a punishment for their curiosity. This is familiar territory for me and it took a long time for me to be comfortable unleashing my curiosity.
It’s so important for us to push through that stigma and dare to be curious - dare to ask questions to get better understanding - fostering greater openness and allowing for working through uncomfortableness and doubt.
Explosive colourful sunrise which keeps expanding and growing. (EXIF data f4.0, 56mm, 1/1600s, ISO3200, +0.67EV)
I have found that doing so really does foster closer connections and appreciation of others’ perspectives or differences and it also allows for personal growth. When I look at uncertainty or unknowingness as a starting point - it can lead to curiosity and exploration and sometimes struggles, but ultimately it does lead to growth of some kind.
For me, unleashing curiosity means I’m not standing still, but on a journey to learn something more. I really like the image that this conjures for me and when I’ve moved into that uncomfortable (for me) space of asking questions and digging deeper - it has always resulted in an expansion of my understanding and circle of growth.
Pushing the boundaries
Any time that I’ve allowed myself to really dive in and get curious about something it has ultimately been a positive experience (eventually) - I learn something new about myself or someone/something else.
There are times when it can lead to uncomfortable feelings like when I’ve spent time exploring behaviours like snacking when I’m not hungry or mindless scrolling on social media - when I dig in and try to understand what is behind these actions it is often uncomfortable being honest with myself. The emotions and feelings behind these behaviours are often quite negative and self destructive. For example I have found that when I’m aimlessly snacking it usually means that I’m bored or stressed and either of those states really means that I’m looking to distract myself and not deal with the underlying issue. I’m trying to fill some void inside and these behaviours only help me defer dealing with those issues.
I found that during this Christmas season, I came into the holidays with a strong sense of habits and behaviours that I needed to continue in order to support my healthy habits. I was feeling strong and stoked to not go on some junk food/sugar binge. I started off strong and I was really making good choices and not craving sweets or other junk food, but gradually I found myself veering off course.
A majestic pine tree in the chilly mist of a winter morning. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/1250s, 270mm, ISO360)
My aha moment came when my hand dove into a bowl of tortilla chips for the third time - filling up on chips and dip after eating a filling lunch. I was clearly not hungry or bored. I stopped mid dip and made myself sit down and breathe - that is my go to behaviour when I want to slow down and really reflect on what’s happening.
I knew that I was using the food to mask some strong feelings and then it became clear to me that I was feeling overloaded and overtired - somehow my go to behaviour of taking over and being primary caregiver kicked in when my mother-in-law came to stay. She didn’t ask me to do these things and neither did my husband - I just went whole hog caregiver - not asking for help, but just assuming the role. The perfectionist in me diving in and really overdoing things.
This pause and reflection was enough for me to recognize that I needed to shift my behaviour and start practicing some self care before I burned out and became resentful of everyone around me. The next morning I set an intention to go out for a photo walk and leave getting breakfast for Kory, which he was happy to do.
I came back refreshed and feeling happy to spend time with them both doing fun things. Taking care of me first enabled me to have the capacity to take care of them. This new perspective is now part of my knowledge bank and will enable me to approach similar situations differently in the future - at least that is my expectation.
Where is this curiosity leading?
I enjoy the new paths that digging into curiosity is opening up for me. The more I question and explore - the more I learn about myself and the world around me. Curiosity leads me to play in my photography and things like ICM (intentional camera movement) or more emotionally charged images are the happy result. I like to compare where I’m heading to what happens when children get curious - they gain greater clarity and comprehension of the world around them as well as stronger connections and a richer understanding and compassion for others. I’m thinking that we could all benefit from being curious and not judgemental.
What things are you curious about? How do you explore something new - is it with trepidation or do you dive in head first? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, or feel free to drop me a note by clicking on the Connect With Me Button.
Sharp Tailed Grouse feet - I’m just curious where I can get a pair of those cool booties. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/1250s, 840mm. ISO250, +0.67EV)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
