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Changes in perspective.

This recent move to the “country” (see this blog post) really highlighted for me that I have made some significant shifts in what is important (as has Kory). We identified the values that are important to us when we started seriously searching for a new home. Nature, a less busy location, space and places to walk were the things that we identified as being important.

Our previous home was located within walking distance of downtown Calgary in a lovely neighbourhood that was close to coffee shops and grocery stores. There was a vibe of busy urban life with little space between houses and power lines visible from almost every window. It was a compromise between being close to work and being close to nature.

We used a similar approach to frame this move with a focus being placed on what outcomes were important to us during the move. Prior to the move we identified how we wanted to feel at the end of the transition - for example, we wanted to ensure that we didn’t end up with injuries from moving heavy things (movers and lots of help from friends helped this as did taking more time to move), we also wanted to feel like we’d nurtured ourselves with healthy food choices rather than fast food and we wanted to make sure that we had good rest. In order to accomplish these goals we had to do some intentional planning and let go of some past habits.

In the past I would have scoffed at such notions and felt that success would be achieved if we just powered through and got the move done as quickly as possible. This was definitely a significant shift for me and it proved to be a positive outcome for this move. My memories of this move will be so much more positive than any move that I’ve done in the past (as will the moments of overwhelm which were real and more frequent than I expected).

I have found that my perception of what is important has shifted in many parts of my life. While this feels very uplifting and positive on the one hand, there are equally some aspects that are challenging as I move away from being stuck in old patterns.

The two halves of life

I have written before about a book I have been reading by Richard Rohr called Falling Upward (blog post - contemplations), where he focuses a lot on the concept of the two halves of life and I find this intriguing (hence the reason for me writing about it again from a different perspective) as I am feeling like I’m undergoing a transition to a different stage in my life.

In Falling Upward, Rohr talks about the first half of life being about building a container for identity, career, family and that this stage of life can be very egocentric. It is an important aspect to building that container and shouldn’t be viewed negatively.

However, Rohr also talks about the shift to the second half of life which tends to be about finding a bigger purpose and meaning. This stage of life is more about giving back, finding satisfaction in others’ accomplishments and being part of something bigger than ourselves - it is also about letting go of a lot of first half of life things and using what we’ve learned/gained for this second half of life. In this stage of life people tend to recognize that material things do not reflect identity or worth, but rather relationships, deep reflection, doing things for the greater good and other intangibles provide more meaning and fulfillment.

There is much evidence on several levels that there are at least two major tasks to human life. The first task is to build a strong “container” or identity; the second is to find the contents that the container was meant to hold. (Falling Upward - Richard Rohr)

I know from personal experience that I have been questioning my why a lot since I made the decision to retire. Interestingly, Rohr states that people can enter the second half of life phase at any time and there are even some who never embark on that journey - it is all about individual self awareness and choices - no right or wrong path, but perhaps one has more layers and depth to personal fulfillment.

The challenges

When I speak of challenges to approaching the second half of life I’m referring to this journey not having a clear path or roadmap with a destination in mind. Remember I’m a bit of an all or nothing person (All or Nothing Blog Post), a rather black or white thinker at times and I like to be able to clearly lay out a forward path with a goal in mind.

Second half of life doesn’t work that way and there is a lot of figuring things out along the way with no defined end point other than perhaps our final end point. For me it is challenging to let go and allow the future to unravel as it will without a lot of thought and planning from me.

This doesn’t mean I believe in being totally passive and not being intentional about the steps that I take and the things that I focus on, however it means that I don’t have to have it all figured out ahead of time.

There is joy and fulfillment in the figuring out process and I know that waiting until I have it all sorted out may mean not ever starting down this path. That is that perfectionist tendency creeping in - causing me to be paralyzed and unable to take action for fear of doing it “wrong”. I’m learning there is no wrong way and that everything I do builds towards finding out about and serving that greater purpose.

Even writing this section is difficult because I haven’t figured this part out enough to adequately articulate my thoughts and I definitely haven’t figured out how to fully let go and embrace the uncertainty, but I’m working on it.

Contemplative thoughts

My retirement transition has revealed some unexpected challenges (see this blog post) and some pleasant rabbit holes where I have sought enlightenment and deeper understanding. I am grateful to have the time and resources to follow my passions and delve deeper into areas of curiosity. I enjoy contemplative moments that will spark some question that I can then spend time researching or discussing with others or just ruminating about.

One of my favourite pastimes is going out with my camera and doing a wander. The camera forces me to slow down and really see what is around me and this in turn causes me to study my surroundings and see the way the light is falling or the textures, lines and details of the subject and background which in turn causes me to spend time really connecting emotionally to what I am seeing. I have been spending time recently focusing on photographing what I feel in the moment - what drew me to pause and really look at a scene - was it the light or the subject or some memory?

I call this mindful photography because there are layers to it and my practice forms deeper connections with the world around me as well as the thoughts within me. I could practice mindfulness in any number of other ways, but this is what works for me. I will even take my journal with me on these photographic meanderings and spend time writing about what I see and feel. These are some of the most impactful photography sessions that I’ve experienced. I often don’t know what I’ll see or photograph - it all happens quite organically based upon what catches my eye. It is an example of me embracing uncertainty and not having it all figured out ahead of time - the joy comes in the reveal.

If you have not practiced mindfulness contemplations, I would invite you to give it a try. You can do it while walking or sitting down - just choose somewhere quiet without a lot of distractions and allow your mind to quiet - often my thoughts will tumble over each other initially and I have to spend some time allowing the thoughts to quiet before I can really begin. Each time my mind wanders or I try to distract myself with thoughts - I notice it, acknowledge what I’m doing and then I gently return myself to focusing on my breathing and let my mind quiet again. Just 10 to 15 mins of this practice is enough to provide a refresh and new perspectives.

I try to practice this when I am caught up in the whirlwind of thought and trying to predict or drive the future - it is helping me to embrace uncertainty.

Connection

I find that much of my mindful photography leads me to the importance of connection and a deeper connection with nature and all forms of life that I find around me. I have a strong affinity for photographing birds - especially birds in flight - soaring gracefully above me or flitting about from perch to perch.

I believe that this reflects my attempts at letting go - letting go of fears of the unknown future (remember my recurring thoughts of “how do I create value” when I initially retired?), letting go of fears of what people think, perfectionism and even that outward facing persona that I carried around when I was working. The freedom I feel watching birds flying is very similar to the freedom I feel from letting this all go.

As I allow these inner thoughts and feelings to surface I find a growing softness in my perspective and interactions with those around me. I am filled with positive thoughts and feelings which builds on itself and gains momentum.

I have been trying to focus on forming positive affirmations to support my goals and general direction which includes thoughts such as I am getting stronger by focusing on progressive overload training, or I am embracing the uncertainty of the future and remaining grounded in the present.

Approaching life in this way is helping me to be open to the possibilities and make seemingly random connections form a more cohesive network that is leading me to that unknown future state.

So where is this taking me?

Well this blog post has been a very different expression of my thoughts and due to the fact that I haven’t fully worked this out in my head I can understand if some of this is confusing or doesn’t make a lot of sense. I find that by trying to articulate where I am at and how I am approaching the future helps me to see where I need to be focused.

If I had not allowed myself to shift what I feel is important to me then I suspect that I would be stuck in a retirement of spending time finding ways to stay busy and distracted. I have spent a great deal of my life being both busy and distracted - now it feels like it’s time to dig deep and really experience life.

This focus is helping me to stay grounded and not get caught up in the future too much, but to be present in the now and enjoy the process of figuring this all out. I am recognizing that second half of life doesn’t have to be frustrating or complicated - it just needs to unfold as the time is right and I’m ready to embrace it.

Have you been giving any thought to what’s next? What seemed to trigger this shift in thought process or approach to living? Any ways that you embrace the uncertainty of the future or are you like me and want to have it all figured out ahead of time? I’d like to hear any thoughts that you have to share around this topic as it is very much front of mind for me.

I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.