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So you want to write a blog?  The question kept circling around in my head - Why?  What do you have to say?  Who will read it?  There are so many blogs out there already! My inner critic was on overdrive - loud and vocal about raising self doubt and making me wonder if this really was a good idea. This blog’s future definitely looked uncertain..

Let me give some background to explain how I got to this point. I’ve had a very challenging few years as I came up to retirement - firstly coming to the decision to retire and then actually doing it! I’m an engineer and a very methodical type A personality (oh with a strong sprinkling of perfectionism thrown in for good measure).   I suspect that my challenges and inner dialogues are not unique to me, nor is my struggle to find joy and fulfillment in life after a very demanding career that spanned some 35+ years. I am hoping that writing about my struggles and the things I’ve done to work through them may resonate and help other people going through a significant life transition.

I approached retirement much the same way that I approached many challenges in my life - break the problem/issue down into bite sized decision points, consider all the positives, challenges and risks and then come up with a plan, refining the plan as I move along (kind of a typical engineering approach).  I figured using this approach would make transitioning into retirement a breeze. The trouble is that like most significant changes this one didn’t fit into a formula approach and things didn’t work out the way I imagined they would.

In retrospect, one of the better things I did was deciding to work with a coach to discuss my retirement plan and all of the emotions surrounding it (side note: those emotional things - I don’t like them, I don’t like talking about them and I generally don’t do them well). Having this independent perspective was helpful in staying grounded as I navigated the roller coaster that retirement has been..

I kept hearing the question “how do I create value” repeating in my brain.  It led me to wonder if I needed to continue to work or produce something after retirement in order to feel valued (the roller coaster) and if so what did that look like - how much was enough? That area of my life that I prefer to ignore (yes you guessed it - emotions and feelings) kept poking at me until I finally started to pay attention. 

I had a realization early in retirement that it’s not about coming up with a list of things to do to keep busy - it’s not working through the to do list or having big plans that are important, but rather those simple day to day things that fill your cup with contentment and meaning. I realized then that the transition to retirement is more about being emotionally ready and working through that messy middle than it is about having a detailed plan. 

I also realized that somewhere along the way I had lost touch with that curious and creative side of me - the part that loves to explore and learn and try new things and isn’t afraid to mess up or look silly. I had a strong sense that I needed to reconnect with that part of me in order to make sense of all that I was feeling and find some peace and contentment in this new phase of my life.

Five years ago I picked up my first DSLR camera and started to learn photography.  I love the process of taking photos and I can really get lost in the moment - totally connect to whatever I am photographing. This has been an important way for me to tap into my creative side and slowly sort out the messages that my mind and body have been trying to tell me (aka working through the messy middle).

So, this blog is about my personal journey through this transition, the things I have been exploring and what I have discovered.   I would love to say that I have it all figured out, but the truth is that I’m not sure I will ever be finished, or ever understand it all - I’ve come to the place where I’m enjoying the exploration and the things I am learning and right now that is enough. I hope that you’ll join me as I explore this transformation and if you’re going through a big transition in your life I’d like to hear what you’re struggling with and what you’re doing to find your way out of the messy middle.

I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.