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What if life were to take an unexpected turn?

I have recently finished listening to an audible book called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby who experienced a life changing stroke and ended up with a condition called “locked in syndrome”. This means that he remained mentally astute, but had no verbal capabilities or movement save being able to blink his left eyelid and minor head movement. The book was dictated by Bauby over a two month period by blinking his left eye and using a special alphabet template to enable him to communicate.

The time and mental effort required to compose his thoughts and then communicate them in such a painstakingly slow fashion must have been so frustrating for someone who previously was quick witted and full of rapid repartee. I get the sense that this book provided him with a purpose and enabled him to find meaning in his changed circumstances. His ability to to share his experiences of being “locked in” really struck me as important to his acceptance of his new life.

I have also been reading a second book called What Alice Forgot by Lianne Moriarty which is about a 39 year old woman who falls off her bike during spin class and hits her head resulting in losing all memory of the last ten years of her life.

When she regains consciousness she believes she is 29 and pregnant with her first child.

In reality she has three children, is in the midst of a divorce and has become a perfectionist mother and very closed off emotionally.

The book explores how she comes to understand the changes that have occurred in her life in the last 10 years and especially the breakdown of her marriage.

It also shows her coming to terms with changes in her life that have occurred as she has grown older, gotten busier and lost track of her values and priorities.

These two books have really got me thinking a lot about about what it would mean if I was no longer able to experience life the way I do currently. This reflection led me to feel such gratitude for my body’s capabilities which I am further exploring with strength training (link to blog post). I have been reflecting on all of the important relationships that I have in my life and the richness of these connections. I cannot predict what will happen in the future and rather than dwelling on what might happen, living life to the fullest now seems especially important.

Losing touch with life’s priorities

I recognize that it is too easy to get caught up in the trivialities of life and mistake them for priorities or important pieces - things like petty arguments, accumulating stuff, having the perfect home/yard, being known for a being a great hostess, or wasting time on social media to name a few.

In reality these things may seem important in the moment, but if I was incapable of communicating with my loved ones, or moving the way I’d like; they would hardly matter.

Richard Rohr in his book Falling Upward talks about the two halves of life with the first half being about building or constructing an identity (a career, a home, family etc.) and being a bit narcissistic or ego centric. He states that this is an important part of life to develop an identity, however when you move to the second half of life you start to look more broadly for a greater meaning and greater connection. This can happen at any time in someone’s life although for some people it never happens.

“the first half of life is to build a strong 'container' or identity for ourselves. It is about making our way in the world by becoming a responsible citizen, and finding meaningful work based on our talents. For many people this also involves finding a mate and perhaps having children.

In the second half of life you begin to understand it is not only about doing; it’s about being.” - Richard Rohr (Falling Upward)

How we can become stuck in the first half of life

I think that there is a risk of being caught up in and sometimes getting stuck in the focus of the first half of life. This sometimes shows up as workaholic tendencies where one’s identity or value becomes attached to the status found in a career. Another example would be the acquisition of things like homes, cars, clothes (backpacks?) - link to got gas blog or other items that can often be more about developing status symbols than functional requirements. Again we can become attached to these items and think that they define our identity - clearly we’ve gone a little off course when this happens.

It makes sense that in the early stages of adulthood we are eager to establish ourselves with career, homes and family, however I have noticed that over time I have shifted towards seeking a greater purpose and meaning in life. This has increased as I get older and I have definitely felt this urge and push since retiring - my focus has been on slowing down and being more than doing (mindfulness).

I used to feel that my career was so important and that I would continue to dabble in it after I retired, however I have had a distinct shift away from that and a move towards exploring new areas that provide even greater fulfillment - many of these activities are externally focused and have little to do with building up my ego or identity. I have also noticed recently that many of my retired friends are making similar shifts and focusing more energy on creative pursuits and more mentoring or supportive roles.

This shift to the “second half of life” approach can happen at any age and it’s important to note that for some people it never happens. We can find all sorts of ways of being in a larger purpose and engaging in ways that supports our growth and others’ growth. I’ve been finding such joy and pleasure in seeing and celebrating the growth and achievements of those around me. There is something so exciting about sharing in someone else’s buzz and joy of achieving something they’ve been striving towards.

The Importance of Gratitude

Sharing in others’ accomplishments and joy has helped me to really tap into my own feelings of gratitude. I am so very thankful for the connections and people I have in my life - it seems that the more I open myself up to share and experience gratitude the more I find myself surrounded by positive and uplifting people.

It’s a very good place to be and one that I think can be quite contagious. In my strength training class (strength training) there is such wonderful support and we cheer each other on and celebrate new weight lifting accomplishments. We’re like youngsters who have found out that they can do something that seemed impossible. The support and encouragement make the hard work even more fun.

At home Kory and I spend time each day checking in with each other and part of that check in is expressing gratitude for something in our lives.

Nothing is too small to share and doing this really brings a positive vibe to our interaction. I find it difficult to hold on to negative thoughts or feelings when I’m focusing on gratitude.

What if life were to take an unexpected turn?

I don’t think that we can ever fully appreciate how we will respond to unexpected circumstances in life until it actually happens, however I do believe that focusing on a more meaningful approach and fully appreciating the gifts that we have and the people we are in relationship with sets us up to live our lives to the fullest. In doing this there is less space for regrets if something unexpected does happen.

Recently I have had three friends experience life changing events that came totally out of the blue and it is heartening to see how their uplifted approach to life is carrying them through these challenges. I have no doubt that there are down days and incredible challenges to navigate, however I have also noticed that even the smallest success is celebrated with gratitude. I can only hope that I am moving my life in a similar direction.

How do you approach life to live it to the fullest? Do you have special and meaningful things that you do to celebrate life - either yours or someone special? I would love to hear about it in the comments below or in a message when you hit the “Connect with me” button.

I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.